10/9/25 10:36am
a poem
my own desperation kicked me out of eden
i am not as patient as i thought i was
i like going fast
i like trying every door
i like the way you hold my face when we kiss
fear is an entity, i can’t clutch it in one hand
and try to hide from it at the same time.
i can’t look away
we can’t think our way to god
you’re a runaway
and i thought i was one too
the day you asked for updated pictures,
the blister dried, flaked right off my skin.
less like eve
boundaries and blurring
work themselves out
i owe it to myself
to keep trying every door
the way snakes do
a lack of imagination got us here
now i have to dream myself free again
don’t look in there
the night you shut your closet door
empty beer cans on nightstands
i knew what i what i was getting myself into,
i walked into you willingly.
i only wanted a little fun
to go fast
to pretend i could have everything
without having to change
i’m not like you though
i’m not chewing on my own tail
i’m not drinking myself to sleep
i’m only afraid
of staying the same
of getting to eden, and then hating it once i’m there
to sever you completely
to drive you home at 2am
no, it’s not fair
to crumble and relapse into arms
that would never be strong enough to hold me
dear god, please forgive me for being lonely.
dear god, please forgive me for wanting revenge.
i lit two candles, said two prayers
the heart is both red and green
pendulums swing
it all looks the same
it had been months since i bought myself flowers
like the lilies wilting on my kitchen counter,
the ones i sent goose for her birthday.
it all feels so different
is this a one last time thing?
is this all-consuming enough?
dear god, please forgive me for being bored.



🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥❤️
Oh hell yeah this is gorgeous